Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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