Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
