i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
