Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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