areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
