Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
