If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
