brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
