He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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