Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
