Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm bleeding and have questions
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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