I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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