I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
