I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
