Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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