you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
