Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
