Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
