What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
