nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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