Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
