Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize