Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
