forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
