so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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