Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
