I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
