For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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