Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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