first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
