dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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