Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
