carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i came on her dog
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
