Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
