you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
