Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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