I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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