Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
