Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
They should really pass out barf bags in church
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You pole danced in your parka.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
