Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
