I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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