Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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