I look better un-naked...
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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