Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
