she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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