she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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