He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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