so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
