So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Someone signed my nipple.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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