if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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