I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
