I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
