i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I want a musical about memes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
