I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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