O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
