Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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