Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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