I need to stop coming to work sober
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
