I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize