1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
