HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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