fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
