i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
