are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
