drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we're making bets on your personal life
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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