i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
