How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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