Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
