I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
