2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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