Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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