You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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