Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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