how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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