You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
