Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
